First and foremost, I want to thank everyone for your prayers! So many have
reached out to me in the last few days through Facebook, text, email, phone
calls, and in person. I am so overwhelmed by this! I am reminded how truly
blessed I am to have so many wonderful, loving people around me.
I don't have any major updates at this point, but I am scheduled to have a
MRI of the brain and spine, with and without contrast, this Friday
(10/3) beginning at 1:00. Please continue to pray that this will give some
answers as to what is causing all these symptoms. I am so ready to figure this
out so we can make a plan to fix it, or treat it, or whatever it will take to
get me feeling somewhat normal again.
In the meantime, I continue to be so comforted by all your prayers. I left
work a bit early last Thursday and was out on Friday. I returned yesterday
morning to this sweet, funny note from my kids:
I just love this crew! They have been asking lots of
questions because I have had to leave early a few times now for doctor
appointments, so I decided yesterday to tell them a little bit about what is
going on. One of these precious 4th graders looked at me after I finished
telling them about it and said, "It's gonna be all ok, Mrs. Motal because
God has this!" She went on to tell me about an experience she recently had
while getting stiches above her eye (accident at home). She said, "Do you
know who else was with me while they were doing the stiches? It wasn't just my
dad. Jesus was right next to me the whole time!" Um, SAY WHAT??? Of
course, I asked her some more questions about this and she was adamant that she
saw him and he was right next to her the whole time. WOW!! WOW!! WOW!!I
just love it when God gives us such sweet reminders through kids!
This reminds me of a verse from Isaiah "Don’t be
afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your
God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my
victorious right hand." (Isaiah 41:10) Hearing this story
from this precious student of mine was a giant, glaring reminder
straight from God that He is with me through this journey and He is carrying it
all.
Thank you again for all your prayers. I will update as I
can.
It's been a few weeks since my last post. Life has been busy and crazy and there is never a dull moment around here. In the midst of my day to day comings and goings, I have been having some strange health issues that have made life tougher than it should be.
It started back in April. I was outside putting kids in cars at school, when I felt this strange tingling and burning in my legs. My smaller toes felt numb. It was just odd and after going inside and cooling off, it went away. But then as weeks passed, this same feeling came and went. At one point in June, it started in my legs, but then my face felt numb and tingling, followed by a very strange and uncomfortable feeling of tingling and burning circling my entire body, up and down. After about an hour or so, it passed. It didn't return for a while, but I began noticing numbness in my toes and hands.
Summer went on and I would notice occasional numbness or tingling, mainly in my right foot or right arm, but kept dismissing it. By mid August, these symptoms had become more and more frequent and were lasting longer and longer. I noticed I was feeling very tired a lot of the time and that it got worse when I was hot. At the beginning of September, I went to my primary doctor for a yearly physical I was overdue for - she advised me to see a neurologist.
If you've ever tried to get an appointment with a specialist like this, you know what it is like. Basically, you wait, and ,and wait some more, for weeks to be able to see this doctor, all while the symptoms are getting worse with each passing day. I got an appointment, but it wasn't for 7 weeks.
In the meantime, I started calling around trying to find any neurologist that could see me sooner. To my surprise, when I called the Baylor clinic in the med center, they had a doc that could see me. After 2 different appointments that lasted nearly an hour each (she was looking up my symptoms and medications on the computer as I was sitting there - RED FLAG!), blood work that was all normal, and $10 in parking fees, this young doc told me she did not feel it was necessary to do any tests and that this was all just my "perspective." Basically, she was telling me that it's just anxiety, so she gave me five different prescriptions to "treat my symptoms" rather than looking further to find the issue.
THIS IS NOT OK PEOPLE! I left her office in tears of frustration knowing that this is not anxiety and is not my "perspective" as she said. My instincts are screaming otherwise! Luckily, I had a regular follow up appointment with my psychiatrist the following day. After bringing her up to speed, she reassured me that this was NOT anxiety and I needed to pursue it with a different neurologist.
Days continued to pass, and the tingling, prickly feeling continued to get worse. My arms began feeling weak and I noticed I am forgetting little things more and more frequently. While waiting to see another doc, my legs have moments of feeling weak, like they may give out. My balance is off at times. I notice I am dropping things often. And after a few nights of literally feeling like my entire body was under attack with the burning and prickly feeling, I called begging to see the doc sooner. They had no cancellations, and they had me on the waiting list..... Ughhh...
Yesterday, after being unable to sleep with the burning and prickling that was relentless for two consecutive nights, I called yet another doc that a friend told me about. I begged and pleaded with the lady on the phone. She asked me to hold for a moment and came back with the best news - they could see me tomorrow at afternoon. Praise Jesus!
So today, FINALLY, after seeing Dr. Charles Popeney, I feel like I am on the right path to figuring this out. He has ordered MRI of my brain and spine that will happen next week and I follow up with him in two weeks. He gave me samples of a medication to try for my symptoms in the meantime and was very thorough in explaining what it was for and how to take it. While the symptoms I have are unbearable at times, I feel some relief knowing I am headed in the right direction.
These symptoms sound crazy and believe me when I tell you, it is awful! Let me attempt to describe it for you - Have you ever been swimming and got water up your nose? You know that burning feeling you get when that happens? That's the best way I know how to explain what some of this feels like. That burning is happening all around the top and back of my head. It also comes and goes in my arms and legs as well. Have you ever had your foot or hand fall asleep? You know that weird tingling, prickly feeling you get as it tries to wake up? That's basically what I am feeling all over now all the time. The severity of it fluctuates - sometimes it's not so bad and other times, waves of it so intense I was to cry come on for a bit and then pass. It is so uncomfortable. And the fatigue, well, its unlike any tired I have felt before. I AM EXHAUSTED ALL THE TIME! It doesn't matter if I get plenty of sleep or not, I am so tired. I wouldn't wish this on anyone and I don't know why I have been dealt this issue, but I hold onto God's promises and I feel a peace about it that I cannot explain.
So as I continue on this journey, I know and hold on to the truth that God answers prayers. I am holding onto this verse:
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 4:6-7
I'm also holding to the words in this song:
Whatever the cause, whatever the outcome, I know He has this. HE makes me brave! Finding a doctor that knows what he is doing and has ordered the tests that are needed is a huge leap in the right direction. I will be strong and courageous as He has commanded. And any prayers you, dear readers, want to lift up, are greatly appreciated as well. I will send updates as I get them. But for now, I'm going to rest.
Have you ever felt life was spinning out of control or flying by at the speed of light? You know, the feeling like it's all a whirlwind, and you are caught in the middle. It's the time when you don't quite know where to start or when to stop, so instead you just freeze, or freak out, or even run away from it all. This feeling is so stressful and even frightening at times.
I've found myself feeling caught up in life more often than I care to admit - it's ups and downs, to do lists that never end, and even a few curveballs I'm not expecting. And lately, this whirlwind really began wearing me down. Too often I take all that life dishes out on my own shoulders, and no matter how strong I think I am, I eventually begin to crumble under the pressure.
Recently, I did crumble. A simple text message I received was the thing that put me over the edge. It wasn't what the text said, but rather it was just one more thing I didn't have time to do. The tears started to fall and then they just wouldn't stop. All that I had been carrying lately, felt like it was going to swallow me whole as I sat and just cried and cried.
After a while, my husband, who, I should tell you, does NOT do well with teary, emotional anything EVER, came and started asking what I was so worked up about. My list went on and on in between more sobs until finally he looked at me and said, "Stop it! All you are doing is worrying! These are all things you can't control." As I attempted the beginnings of a pitiful rebuttal, he stopped me cold with these words: "I hear you preach and counsel others all the time about worry! What does the bible say about worry? You have to stop."
After recovering from the shock at what he said (my husband just doesn't say things like this), I slowly began to calm down. I began really thinking about his words. God knew I needed this reminder right in this moment and he definitely got my attention using my husband to deliver it. I know what God's word says about worry. In Matthew 6, Jesus himself tells us:
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" He goes on to say, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." -Matthew 6:25-27, 33-34 I am human and definitely imperfect to say the least. I tend to be a bit of a control freak and I try do things on my own. After taking some time to let these words from Matthew really sink in, I am reminded of God's grace and mercy, his endless love, and how He always meets me when I am at the end of myself, in the most perfect way. I'm grateful that no matter how stubborn I am, He finds a way, or in this case, a person, to remind me of His truth. I don't need to carry life's burdens on my shoulders. He carries me through it, walks by my side, and is the ever present help I need all the time! What a relief that truth is, especially when fear, pain, and a never-ending to do list begin to creep in on me and I find myself caught in a whirlwind.
It easy to get wrapped up in the day to day things of this world and the worries this life brings. My hope is that reading about this reminder God gave me a few days ago, you may also be encouraged to let go of your worry. Give it to God. He's got it all under control. Seriously, He created the universe - nothing is impossible when you think about it from that perspective. Just PRAY my friends. He hears each and every one of our prayers. Choose to be worry free today!
