He Keeps Carrying Me Through

I know I am a bit behind on updating, but let me try to catch you up. This past Wednesday, I had a follow up appointment with the neurologist to get results from the MRI that was done the Friday prior. My scans were what he called 90% clear which he explained meant that they found two small spots on my brain that could be from migraines (I rarely have these, only once or twice a year at most) or it could be something else, like MS lesions. Based on my symptoms, my age, and that I am female, my doctor explained that MS is the first thing he wants to rule out (or diagnose). So basically, the MRI was inconclusive. The doc then explained that he wanted to do further testing to rule out (or diagnose) MS along with anything that might mimic MS symptoms. I quickly found out that this meant more blood work that I was instructed to go get done immediately after leaving the doctor's office, and a lumbar puncture that was quickly scheduled for the following morning.

Y'all, this was all happening too fast! I think the scheduling nurse at the doctor's office thought I was crazy. She's arranged this lumbar puncture (which is also know as a spinal tap) on the same day I'm supposed to be going on a field trip with my students to the George Ranch! Then she scheduled my follow up appointment to get results from all this on this Friday when it is Super Hero Day at school. I know, I know, #teacherprobs but I just love my job and hate letting my kids down. Because I work with such amazing people, they made sure my kids enjoyed the field trip and even sent me pics. And you know I will be showing up Friday morning all decked out in Super Hero gear for this appointment.

So while my students and teacher peeps where out at the ranch, I was getting poked with lots of needles. Seriously, they had to do all the blood work I had already done the afternoon before AGAIN. And then they need to take blood during the actual procedure for some other test. Can y'all tell yet that I am not a fan of needles? I will spare you all the details involved in getting this lumbar puncture because if you've already had one, you know how it works, and if you haven't, you don't want to know! Let's just say that it was definitely one of the more uncomfortable and painful things I have had done - it's up there with childbirth and sinus surgery (the 2 big, very painful medical events I have experienced twice). 

Now I have to share something important that happened at this point. While I was on that table in extreme discomfort, I began praying through lots of tears. The x-ray technician quietly stepped over to the edge of the table and grabbed my hand and just held it. Through my tears, I asked if the fluid was coming out quickly, and he replied that no, it was going pretty slow and that it was still on the first tube. I began praying again, this time that God would speed this up. Even though the pressure I could feel and the pain when a nerve was grazed was so intense, I felt this peace wash over me. And when I asked again, they were almost finished with the second tube, then the third and finally the last one. I know God heard me crying out to Him. I know that hand that held mine was intended as a reminder that Jesus was right there. He carried me through that moment just has he has done many, many times before.

After completing the required 2 hours of laying flat on my back in recovery, and all the paperwork was done and directions had been given, I got to come home and rest. The threat of a spinal headache (which I had not experienced, but heard was awful) was enough to make me stick to the doctor's orders of resting and no lifting, etc. The next afternoon, I started getting a headache, but thought at first it was just sinus related. After all, I was getting over a sinus infection and the lovely "crud" everyone passes around in the fall. Later on after my mom went home and it was time to go pick up my son, I began to realize, mainly by the sheer amount of pain I was feeling, that this was no ordinary sinus headache. After somehow managing to get the Colson picked up, and making it through the drive thru at McDonald's to feed both kids, I got back to my bed to lie flat again, and oh the relief! This, my friends, is when you KNOW you have the dreaded spinal headache!

I called the doctor right away and he informed me that I needed a blood patch (basically, they take some blood from somewhere else on your body, and inject it into that area of the spine to stop the leakage of spinal fluid). This was all great, except for the fact that an anesthesiologist has to perform this procedure, and at 6 pm on a Friday, those are hard to come by in Sugar Land hospitals. My doctor called the hospital and worked some kid of miracle, because at 8 pm he called me back and told me to go to the ER with the name of the anesthesiologist who had agreed to come in and get this taken care of for me.

I met yet another of God's angels at the check in counter when I got to the ER. As I glanced around the waiting room that was packed like sardines in can, all I my mind could do was flashbacks to a previous 9 hour wait in this same waiting room just less than 2 years ago. But no, God was watching over me. This sweet man found a bed in that over crowded ER and he walked me around a partition wall to another door that led to the ER rooms. I had a spot to lay flat on my back for about an hour, when the anesthesiologist got there and got things rolling.

Now the day before, at a different hospital, they would not give any sort of sedation to me for the lumbar puncture - a procedure that took about 30-40 minutes and as I have already described, was very uncomfortable and painful. But this sweet man, two minutes into his explanation of how a blood patch works, he offers "something to relax" if I would prefer.... um, YES! After getting pricked with more needles for an IV and for blood work again (heaven forbid different hospitals communicate this info), the guy got things rolling. And thanks to whatever that was they gave me to relax, I don't remember a thing! I woke up to the nurse asking of my husband was on his way. Thank you, Jesus!

So all of this for some answers.... As many close to me know, my gut instinct, along with lots of research, has been telling me all along that "this stuff" I've had going on is Multiple Sclerosis (MS). Now I could be wrong. And in many ways I hope that I am. But if that is the confirmed answer I get Friday morning, I am prepared to take that and whatever may come along with it, and let God use it however he sees fit. He is a God who keeps His promises. He has carried me through so far and made me brave when I couldn't be on my own. I know He won't let me down, no matter the diagnoses.

I will keep you all posted. And thank you to all who have been praying! I can definitely feel your prayers lifting me up!

Sweet Reminders

First and foremost, I want to thank everyone for your prayers! So many have reached out to me in the last few days through Facebook, text, email, phone calls, and in person. I am so overwhelmed by this! I am reminded how truly blessed I am to have so many wonderful, loving people around me.

I don't have any major updates at this point, but I am scheduled to have a MRI of the brain and spine, with and without contrast, this Friday (10/3) beginning at 1:00. Please continue to pray that this will give some answers as to what is causing all these symptoms. I am so ready to figure this out so we can make a plan to fix it, or treat it, or whatever it will take to get me feeling somewhat normal again.

In the meantime, I continue to be so comforted by all your prayers. I left work a bit early last Thursday and was out on Friday. I returned yesterday morning to this sweet, funny note from my kids:

I just love this crew! They have been asking lots of questions because I have had to leave early a few times now for doctor appointments, so I decided yesterday to tell them a little bit about what is going on. One of these precious 4th graders looked at me after I finished telling them about it and said, "It's gonna be all ok, Mrs. Motal because God has this!" She went on to tell me about an experience she recently had while getting stiches above her eye (accident at home). She said, "Do you know who else was with me while they were doing the stiches? It wasn't just my dad. Jesus was right next to me the whole time!" Um, SAY WHAT??? Of course, I asked her some more questions about this and she was adamant that she saw him and he was right next to her the whole time. WOW!! WOW!! WOW!!I just love it when God gives us such sweet reminders through kids!

This reminds me of a verse from Isaiah "Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand." (Isaiah 41:10)  Hearing this story from this precious student of mine was a giant, glaring reminder straight from God that He is with me through this journey and He is carrying it all.

Thank you again for all your prayers. I will update as I can.

 Love, Lori

 

A Journey for Answers

It's been a few weeks since my last post. Life has been busy and crazy and there is never a dull moment around here. In the midst of my day to day comings and goings, I have been having some strange health issues that have made life tougher than it should be.

It started back in April. I was outside putting kids in cars at school, when I felt this strange tingling and burning in my legs. My smaller toes felt numb. It was just odd and after going inside and cooling off, it went away. But then as weeks passed, this same feeling came and went. At one point in June, it started in my legs, but then my face felt numb and tingling, followed by a very strange and uncomfortable feeling of tingling and burning circling my entire body, up and down. After about an hour or so, it passed. It didn't return for a while, but I began noticing numbness in my toes and hands.

Summer went on and I would notice occasional numbness or tingling, mainly in my right foot or right arm, but kept dismissing it. By mid August, these symptoms had become more and more frequent and were lasting longer and longer. I noticed I was feeling very tired a lot of the time and that it got worse when I was hot. At the beginning of September, I went to my primary doctor for a yearly physical I was overdue for - she advised me to see a neurologist.

If you've ever tried to get an appointment with a specialist like this, you know what it is like. Basically, you wait, and ,and wait some more, for weeks to be able to see this doctor, all while the symptoms are getting worse with each passing day. I got an appointment, but it wasn't for 7 weeks.

In the meantime, I started calling around trying to find any neurologist that could see me sooner. To my surprise, when I called the Baylor clinic in the med center, they had a doc that could see me. After 2 different appointments that lasted nearly an hour each (she was looking up my symptoms and medications on the computer as I was sitting there - RED FLAG!), blood work that was all normal, and $10 in parking fees, this young doc told me she did not feel it was necessary to do any tests and that this was all just my "perspective." Basically, she was telling me that it's just anxiety, so she gave me five different prescriptions to "treat my symptoms" rather than looking further to find the issue.

THIS IS NOT OK PEOPLE! I left her office in tears of frustration knowing that this is not anxiety and is not my "perspective" as she said. My instincts are screaming otherwise! Luckily, I had a regular follow up appointment with my psychiatrist the following day. After bringing her up to speed, she reassured me that this was NOT anxiety and I needed to pursue it with a different neurologist.

Days continued to pass, and the tingling, prickly feeling continued to get worse. My arms began feeling weak and I noticed I am forgetting little things more and more frequently. While waiting to see another doc, my legs have moments of feeling weak, like they may give out. My balance is off at times. I notice I am dropping things often. And after a few nights of literally feeling like my entire body was under attack with the burning and prickly feeling, I called begging to see the doc sooner. They had no cancellations, and they had me on the waiting list..... Ughhh...

Yesterday, after being unable to sleep with the burning and prickling that was relentless for two consecutive nights, I called yet another doc that a friend told me about. I begged and pleaded with the lady on the phone. She asked me to hold for a moment and came back with the best news - they could see me tomorrow at afternoon. Praise Jesus!

So today, FINALLY, after seeing Dr. Charles Popeney, I feel like I am on the right path to figuring this out.  He has ordered MRI of my brain and spine that will happen next week and I follow up with him in two weeks. He gave me samples of a medication to try for my symptoms in the meantime and was very thorough in explaining what it was for and how to take it.  While the symptoms I have are unbearable at times, I feel some relief knowing I am headed in the right direction.

These symptoms sound crazy and believe me when I tell you, it is awful! Let me attempt to describe it for you - Have you ever been swimming and got water up your nose? You know that burning feeling you get when that happens? That's the best way I know how to explain what some of this feels like. That burning is happening all around the top and back of my head.  It also comes and goes in my arms and legs as well. Have you ever had your foot or hand fall asleep? You know that weird tingling, prickly feeling you get as it tries to wake up? That's basically what I am feeling all over now all the time. The severity of it fluctuates - sometimes it's not so bad and other times, waves of it so intense I was to cry come on for a bit and then pass. It is so uncomfortable. And the fatigue, well, its unlike any tired I have felt before. I AM EXHAUSTED ALL THE TIME! It doesn't matter if I get plenty of sleep or not, I am so tired. I wouldn't wish this on anyone and I don't know why I have been dealt this issue, but I hold onto God's promises and I feel a peace about it that I cannot explain.

So as I continue on this journey, I know and hold on to the truth that God answers prayers. I am holding onto this verse:

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 4:6-7

I'm also holding to the words in this song:

Whatever the cause, whatever the outcome, I know He has this. HE makes me brave! Finding a doctor that knows what he is doing and has ordered the tests that are needed is a huge leap in the right direction. I will be strong and courageous as He has commanded. And any prayers you, dear readers, want to lift up, are greatly appreciated as well. I will send updates as I get them. But for now, I'm going to rest.

Nighty-night! Until next time....

Caught in a Whirlwind

Have you ever felt life was spinning out of control or flying by at the speed of light? You know, the feeling like it's all a whirlwind, and you are caught in the middle. It's the time when you don't quite know where to start or when to stop, so instead you just freeze, or freak out, or even run away from it all. This feeling is so stressful and even frightening at times.

I've found myself feeling caught up in life more often than I care to admit - it's ups and downs, to do lists that never end, and even a few curveballs I'm not expecting. And lately, this whirlwind really began wearing me down. Too often I take all that life dishes out on my own shoulders, and no matter how strong I think I am, I eventually begin to crumble under the pressure.

Recently, I did crumble. A simple text message I received was the thing that put me over the edge. It wasn't what the text said, but rather it was just one more thing I didn't have time to do. The tears started to fall and then they just wouldn't stop. All that I had been carrying lately, felt like it was going to swallow me whole as I sat and just cried and cried.

After a while, my husband, who, I should tell you, does NOT do well with teary, emotional anything EVER, came and started asking what I was so worked up about. My list went on and on in between more sobs until finally he looked at me and said, "Stop it! All you are doing is worrying! These are all things you can't control." As I attempted the beginnings of a pitiful rebuttal, he stopped me cold with these words: "I hear you preach and counsel others all the time about worry! What does the bible say about worry? You have to stop."

After recovering from the shock at what he said (my husband just doesn't say things like this), I slowly began to calm down. I began really thinking about his words. God knew I needed this reminder right in this moment and he definitely got my attention using my husband to deliver it. I know what God's word says about worry. In Matthew 6, Jesus himself tells us:

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" He goes on to say, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." -Matthew 6:25-27, 33-34

I am human and definitely imperfect to say the least. I tend to be a bit of a control freak and I try do things on my own. After taking some time to let these words from Matthew really sink in, I am reminded of God's grace and mercy, his endless love, and how He always meets me when I am at the end of myself, in the most perfect way. I'm grateful that no matter how stubborn I am, He finds a way, or in this case, a person, to remind me of His truth. I don't need to carry life's burdens on my shoulders. He carries me through it, walks by my side, and is the ever present help I need all the time! What a relief that truth is, especially when fear, pain, and a never-ending to do list begin to creep in on me and I find myself caught in a whirlwind. 

It easy to get wrapped up in the day to day things of this world and the worries this life brings. My hope is that reading about this reminder God gave me a few days ago, you may also be encouraged to let go of your worry. Give it to God. He's got it all under control. Seriously, He created the universe - nothing is impossible when you think about it from that perspective. Just PRAY my friends. He hears each and every one of our prayers. Choose to be worry free today!

Until next time....

Lori

Buttons and Stories

Have you ever given any thought to buttons? You know, just plain old everyday buttons that are found on clothing and more. Well, I recently inherited a whole lot of buttons. This evening I sat down and began looking through all the hundreds of buttons brainstorming ideas of crafty things I could do. Many of these looked like just plain old commons buttons, but as I as I dug deeper into the jars full, I found some interesting and very unique ones as well.


Some of the interesting buttons

 
This got me wondering about the history behind each button. Many of them had some thread still attached and a few even had tiny bits of fabric still attached. Some of these buttons are likely over fifty years old. While I will likely never know the details, these old buttons have a story - a story that tells the places they've been, who wore them, and so much more.
  
These buttons are a lot like people. We all have a story too! While the buttons can't tell us their story, as humans, we are blessed with the gift of communication abilities. Not only are we able to speak to others in person, we have phones, email, text, Facebook, Twitter and more at our disposal anytime of the day. We are capable of asking others about their stories in a variety of ways, checking both and friends, acquaintances, and even strangers. I've noticed both in myself and others close to me, that we tend to get wrapped up in our daily lives, the busy balancing act that working and parenting brings, and we miss so many opportunities to see others around us that are hurting an broken, who have stories to share.
 
In Matthew 5:14-16, Jesus tells us that we are the light others:
“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden.  Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven."
 
When we get so wrapped up in our own to do lists and daily life, we lose out on the chance to be a light to someone else - maybe a friend who is going through a hard time, or a coworker who is struggling, or maybe even that homeless guy begging on the corner. They all have a story to share and as Christ followers, we have an opportunity to share God's love by just taking a few minutes to listen to them, pray with them, or maybe just let them know that someone notices them and cares.
 
While I won't ever know the story behind all those buttons I now have, I think those buttons are a great reminder that we all come in contact with different people throughout each day whose stories we can take a moment to listen to. By taking that moment to be the light of Jesus to others, there's a good chance we could play a part in the story of their future AND better yet - we get to play a part in a bigger story, God's story!
 
Friends, I want to challenge you this week to stop and listen to someone else's story. Sometime this week, take the time to notice some one you don't normally pay attention to and strike up a conversation.  It may be a coworker, or an old friend you need to catch up with, or maybe even stop and talk with that homeless guy on the corner. Just be the light shining into someone else's darkness and see what God does with it. I know you will not regret it!
 
If you decide to accept this challenge, I would love to here about it! Share how this challenge has changed you, or just how God used you to be a light for someone else in the comment section below.
 
God Bless.
~Lori